The Elmwood Café/ Ozzie’s Soda Fountain

S’mug Bitch here, coming atcha from sunny Elmwood for the inaugural café-judgin’ S’MUG entry. Today I’m roaming around with my partner in culinary/caffeinated crime, S’mug Bastard. Because it’s a beautiful day, our first stop is not only a café, but also a soda fountain. Before I go on, here are the basics.

  

The Nitty Gritty

The Elmwood Café/ Ozzie’s Soda Fountain

Location: 2900 College Ave, Berkeley

Hours: 7am - 10pm daily

Credit cards: Approved!

WiFi: Negative.

Power outlets: Nyet.

Bathroom: Yes.

Parking: Slightly hard to find on this lovely strip of College Ave, but it’s easy enough to find a spot on a residential side street (non-metered!).

Bicycle parking: Bike rack right out front.

Java: $1.50 (espresso) - $5.00 (double mocha) 

Goodies: $1.50 (snickerdoodle) - $5.25 (tart) 

Food: $3.50 (arugala, summer squash and parmesan frittata) - $9.00 (smoked salmon with cucumber, peppered crème fraiche, red onion and lemon zest on acme levain)

Seating: Small square tables that can be pushed together to form mega-tables! Facing out to College Ave is a long wooden bench, so it’s great for people watching. On nice days, there are small outdoor tables as well.

Music: Mostly light jazz, but not the kind that’s actually a ridiculous cover of a pop tune, masquerading as jazz by dressing itself up with a saxophone. Low volume, unobtrusive, just enough to distract you from the conversations of the people next to you. You could easily listen to something else with headphones, without cranking the volume.

Ambient noise: Pretty quiet. There’s not room for many people, so the baristas aren’t constantly calling out names. All the patrons tend to keep their voices down.

Temperature: On a nice day, the doors are open and it’s pleasantly warm inside. On hot days, the AC is blasting and you might want a jacket.

 
Biggest pro: House-made sodas. Every day they have at least two flavors of fresh syrups (mint, lime, vanilla, cranberry, and kumquat are just a few examples) that they blend with soda water for a really refreshing treat. 

Biggest con: Lack of WiFi and outlets rule this one out for those with techie umbilical cords.

Recommended for: Whetting your whistle, reading, writing (by hand), daydreaming, people watching

Not recommended for: Computer work, groups of more than four people

The Elmwood Café is not particularly big, but the high ceilings and enormous windows make it feel very spacious. On a Sunday morning, it’s a perfect spot to sit outside and eat a delicious breakfast while happy people hike up toward the Claremont Hotel. The savory bread pudding is to die for, and may inspire you to try making your own (which I highly recommend). 

Before I forget, I should add that this cafe has its own special blend and roast of coffee beans, which I have never tried. I hear good things, but I never think to go here when I need a coffee--I'm always drawn by the sodas.

Baked goodies are reasonably priced, but not especially exciting. Today, my mango bread pudding was delicious on its crispy, crumbly top, but the moist bottom half inexplicably smacked of dried seaweed. Not strongly, but I couldn’t shake the association, and S'bastard agreed with me. Definitely not the best thing I’ve tried here, but it seems to be an anomaly. S’bastard also had a biscuit that came with lovely strawberry jam, and was SO FLUFFY I’M GONNA DIE!

 screenshots from Despicable Me

In both cases, inexplicable fishy taste aside, the food was better than various things we had eaten in the last 24 hours. S'bastard was trying to decided whether he wanted more to eat, and one of his considerations was the fact that he'd had a small and not especially satisfying breakfast. A bowl of oatmeal with various good things on top sounds satisfying enough, until you account for the fact that it was a small bowl, and upon eating his way past the various good things, he realized they were masking the fact that there were CRAWLIES in the oatmeal. The ones he was eating were dead from being boiled, but the ones in the oatmeal container were still wriggling.

Now, here's where things get weird. Last night, the same thing happened to me, only it was some dried lentil soup that I purchased from the bulk bins at Berkeley Bowl...er...I don't remember how long ago. 

::shameface:: 

I downed almost an entire bowl of it before noticing the tiny white intruders. Effing imperialists, colonizing my dinner.

Ultimately our stay here was short, because we actually did need WiFi. And tacos. But that's a story for another time.

It starts.

In the beginning, there was one S'mug Bitch. Why was she smug, you ask? Well, lucky for you, she's willing to boast (but just this once). The "S" in "S'Bitch" stands for a whole semester of four-day weekends. After sustaining years of torment at the hands of a graduate program that had no idea what to do with her, S'Bitch has finally seen to it that she is only required to be on campus three days per week.

The upside to this is, well, it's an upside in and of itself. The downside is that if S'Bitch stays home on Mondays and Fridays, she will sit in bed. Yes, she will sit in bed watching Buffy, reading sci-fi, playing computer games, and not accomplishing doodley squat. S'Bitch likes to be a productive member of society. She's got ideas and things to do. But S'Bitch also has inertia issues (a Bitch at rest tends to stay at rest).

Why am I telling you this? Because it is the reason this blog is happening. S'Bitch decided that I (for I am she) need to take my work to new and exciting locations, lest I contract a serious case of Oblomovitis. Since working on campus will plunge me into a vat of despair (please excuse the hyperbole), I will be cafe hopping in search of the perfect conditions for productivity. And then blogging about it instead of actually being productive.

Finding a good cafe has always seemed something of a mystery to me. Every Yelp review I read has a lot of satisfied customers, and a lot of disgruntled ones. Why, I lamented, isn't there one central website where I can find a list of great cafes? I wish there were one person, someone deliciously saucy; one wiser, more beautiful, charming and intelligent than all the other Yelp reviewers, who could just tell me where to find what I am looking for.

That's where I come in.

via annetaintor.com

At least once a week, but often twice or thrice, I will visit an as-yet unreviewed (by S'Bitch) cafe, and I will tell you everything that you (er...I) ever wanted to know about it. There will be enough snark for everyone, so bring your friends!