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Since this is so belated, much of what I was going to say here is going to bleed over into more general holiday musings. For now, I want to focus on something I mentioned in my Thanksgiving I post: heightened gratitude as a result of tough times.
This year, I found myself looking forward to Thanksgiving they way I used to look forward to Christmas as an excited little kid. Even though adult-me knew exactly what gifts the holiday would bring, I was incredibly ready for them. Partly because I am already in a place of gratitude at this juncture in my life, and partly for the following reasons and more.
For one, I was expecting a visit from a dear friend from Berkeley, on her way to Germany and Austria. She stayed with me for almost a full week, and we packed in a lot of Wisconsin goodness during that time. Almost immediately after coming home from the airport, we headed to The Old Fashioned, where we treated ourselves to beer battered cheese curds, beer cheese soup, a lazy susan of cheeses and pickled goodies, beer flights, and of course a brandy sweet old fashioned. It was chilly outside, warm inside, and Monday Night Football was on the television. I couldn't have planned a more perfect introduction to our Northern culture. Every time I start to think it's not possible, I become a little bit more thrilled to be here, and to be from here.
The next day we wasted the whole morning sitting in bed and looking up terrible Christmas music (did you know James Brown has a holiday album? The whole thing is on youtube, and will probably lessen your respect for the man). At noon we hit the capitol for some good old fashioned protest songs - this happens every weekday at noon in the rotunda, so if you live near Madison I highly recommend joining them sometime! We cruised State St. before heading home to make dinner and skype with another faraway friend, currently suffering in the cold and rainy land of New Jersey.
We made a trip to the stable to visit my horse
and we spent a little time exploring the Main St. of my hometown. We popped into the shop where I used to work, and two of the owners were there. We had a lovely little reunion, and I was asked to come back, at least for some extra holiday hours. This means several things. 1) I have a job that is indoors and allows me to sit down sometimes! 2) I can worry a little bit less about the bills this month! 3) I get to speak Norwegian again! 4) Gløgg and julestemning! I have really missed the type of holiday feeling that happens in Norway, and this will let me get a little bit of that back. This is getting a full blog post sometime this month, so stay tuned.
The rest of the week went far too quickly, but involved lots and lots of food prep, and lots and lots of food consumption. Followed by a long soak in the hot tub as we considered whether or not we should hit up any midnight sales (the answer was no).
It was on Thanksgiving day, and the day after, that it all hit me. I had looked forward to - and enjoyed - my friend's visit so much because I spend a lot of time alone these days. I used to covet my alone time, but here I don't have many friends yet. Some wonderful friends, to be sure, but not many of them, and I don't see them so often. I think the fact that I now feel so much more willing to share my time with others is an indication that I am much more well-adjusted than I used to be, and for that I am thankful.
I looked forward to dressing up on Thanksgiving Day, because most days I roll out of bed at 5am, dive into as many layers of clothing as I can find, and top it all off with a very unattractive stocking cap and down coat. I looked forward to the meal because, well, because I love food. But even more than usual this year, because only a week before I had a financial fiasco that made me resign myself to buying bales of ramen on sale (this actually happened) and tightening my belt. This is exactly why Thanksgiving has been so important to people in the past--they were freakin' hungry!
I looked forward to spending time with my family, even now that I live near them and see them almost every week. I felt grateful that I get along with them so well, and that I wasn't embarrassed to bring a friend home to meet them. I was grateful that they are so incredibly inviting, and giving, and fun. I am grateful that they are always there for me, even when I don't want to need them.
Most of all, I looked forward (and am still looking forward) to this whole holiday season because so much is changing for me right now; so much is uncertain. I'm not looking forward to presents, but to traditions...even though those are always changing too. This year, I'm making a very conscious effort to make up my own traditions, and figure out what meanings I want to imbue my holidays with. If I know why these holidays are important to me, then it won't be so important that the traditions go unchanged. So here's what I've got so far.
1) Hosting a Thanksgiving dinner for my friends. A much boozier version of the family dinner.
2) Sometime after Thanksgiving and before Christmas Eve, I am going to write cards for my immediate family members, to be opened on Christmas Eve. Because my sister is now married, all of our family traditions get moved around a lot to accommodate the in-laws, and that's been hard for me--especially now that I'm the only single cousin left. But this will let me do something that's meaningful, and on my own terms, and involves my loved ones without them having to plan around me.
3) Focusing on the whole season, instead of The Big Day. Again, I'm hoping this will help me to not feel so upset when traditions get skipped over or moved.
So, what's it all mean to you? What are the most important things, the best things, the hardest things about your holiday season? What do you look forward to and what do you dread? Do you make it special, or just make it through? What are your favorite traditions?
